rewind - February 2012 / by Carey

I cannot quite recall when I made the decision, but it has been well over a year.  At some point I had to cry uncle and start going to bed.  I stopped staying up late, after the kids went to bed, to work on photos.  If I didn't get it done during the day, then it didn't get done.

On the plus side, I've gotten a good deal more sleep (although still interrupted by a certain four year old who may or may not wake up more times than a newborn baby..... still.....).  And I've read a ton of novels, which has been so good for my soul.  And I've spent some wonderful bonding time with my husband.

On the negative side, I'm behind in my editing.  Sorely behind.  I certainly didn't stop using my camera.  I've documented and captured and photographed as frequently as ever.  But the files are just dumped into monthly folders, awaiting the day I come to open them again and inspect their contents.  When I do manage to delve back into the deep recesses of my external hard drive, it feels like opening Christmas presents.  It has been so long, I don't even remember what the images from each month are anymore.

When I get behind in something, it eats at me.  It eats at my core.  It nags at me.  It is constantly sitting on my shoulder and whispering to me "failure, failure, failure.  pitiful excuse.  failure.  pitiful."  It doesn't really matter what the something is.  If I should have already completed at it, the agony over my lack is my constant companion until I manage to finish the task.  It sucks the joy out of me. I cannot enjoy everyday life, because I feel guilt for not having done all I should have done.

This has been my personal photos.  We went to Topsail Island in June of 2011.  That is not a typo.  I've never finished editing those.  We went to Topsail Island again in June of 2012.  I've not edited those either.  We went to Sedona, Arizona in March of 2012.  Haven't touched those.  Those are just the trips.  Every day.  Every month.  Images images images images images.

A new computer makes this process so much easier.  The five year old macbook, God bless his soul, was just not able to handle it anymore.  Bridge would crash every time I tried to open a backlog folder. Let's not even mention the time it took to open a file in Photoshop and, heaven forbid, work on it.  So, the iMac has caused me to see light at the end of my tunnel.  I hope to take one day a week to sort through old images.  And post them as I have time.  Today, we have last February 2012's images.

This was a good exercise for me.  It was so apparent to me just how much I've grown in my craft during the last 12 months.  These are images of my kids, and so I treasure them.  But if I had these days to redo, I'd have shot them so differently.  So while I'm disappointed artistically in these, I am encouraged that I AM progressing.  I AM improving.

Here was our ordinary February.  2012.  which was apparently a very overcast month. In case you are unsure, I extremely dislike overcast weather.

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Here we have a family fishing trip to the "catfish pond".

So crazy to see just how much she has changed in one year!

I shot these with my D90 Sigma 30mm f1.4 Nikon 85mm f1.8 Nikon 50mm 1.4D