12 Emotions | Loved | 2 of 12 / by Carey

12 Emotions:  2 of 12 -- Loved.

Loved, by Carey Pace

[Next up in our circle is Katie Rozental of PhotographyBee.  Please view her, and the rest of the group's images!  This post is part of my Creative Project in 2013 for 12 Emotions in 2013:  One dramatic black and white image to convey various emotions. ]

My gynecologist had told us that the best chance of conception for women with my condition was the first cycle post birth.  After struggling to conceive Little Buddy, and not knowing how long we would struggle to conceive again, we knew we simply had to go for that first cycle when it resumed.  There was no question in our minds:  it was a given.

And so we did.

Never in a million years did I expect to have success.  Of course we knew it was a possibility, but certainly not likely.  After cycle after cycle after cycle of seeing hormonal evidence of no ovulation, let alone a pregnancy, it was an utter shock to see that LH surge.  It was even more of a shock to see the positive pregnancy test two weeks later.

And so our children would be twenty months apart.  20.  Not even two years.

Little Buddy was so very much still a baby when the Little Lady arrived.  All along the pregnancy we were bombarded with words of wisdom from other parents who had gone this route of very close in age children.  They warned us, ubiquitously, that the early years would be very difficult.  Very challenging.  But soon, (and it would fly by so quickly, despite the feel of each day), they would be so close... such buddies... such pals, that it would make every challenge of those early days worth it.

When I was expecting I smiled and felt somewhat encouraged.  However, when she arrived and I was in the throes of screaming and wails and diapers (OH THE DIAPERS) and attempts to coincide naps and cutting up food and interrupted sleep and struggling to find time to shower....  well, I wasn't encouraged.  I wanted to punch every single one of those smiling parents who had advised us in the face.  Hard.

But time.  Time changes things.  It leads itself to perspective.  And perspective do I have in abundance these days.  They were right.  

Those parents I wanted to punch for YEARS (because let's face it - the Little Lady came preprogrammed with some challenges that I just don't think the average second child comes with) were so very, very right.  Those days that felt like eternity flew by with such speed it makes me dizzy to ponder.   Now these two love each other with such a depth and ferocity that I struggle to find words adequate to describe it.

They are each so very, completely, wholly LOVED. by each other.

The Little Lady wants nothing to do with solitary activities.  She wants Little Buddy with her, always.  If you suggest an alone treat, she wants him to come, too. She wants him to have things, too.  Trips, too.  Toys, too.  She is most certainly a normal self centered four year old girl.... but her selfishness includes compassion for what the Little Buddy receives, too.  He is so loved.

I don't think they'd have the same companionship they have if they weren't so close in age.  Their likes and abilities and development have so closely coincided because of it.  It has forged a bond that I can see will hold for life.  I wonder whether it would have been the same if the girl had come first and boy second.  This arrangement of boy, then girl, seems to have been ideal for the two of them with slower development of the boy and faster development of the girl bringing them even closer in similar abilities, interests and joys.  I also wonder whether they'd have the same relationship had we had a third child.  They've only had each other, all this time.  And they've learned to lean on each other for support, camaraderie, delight and fun.

It is no surprise, of course, that God is always in control, always sovereign.  And that His design and His timing was perfect.  It wasn't easy.  There were many tears.  Tears of sorrow, weariness, exhaustion and anger.  Lots of anger, if I'm honest.  But it was worth it.  So very, very worth it.


I shot these with my D90  Nikon 85mm f1.8